Yes, I’m Solo And No, I’m Not Lonely: Overcoming Loneliness As A Solo Traveler

✈️ Grab Your Free Travel Resources Inside → Get the Printables

“But don’t you get lonely?” I hear that question all the time when I talk to people about solo travel. While I’m human and have lonely moments like anybody does, the truth is, I’m never really lonely.

Get your free download at the end of this post!

There is this misconception about solo travel and loneliness. The idea that they automatically go hand-in-hand. But the truth is, I’ve never felt LESS lonely. Let’s look at how and why.

Please note: I’m not a therapist or licensed professional in mental health. All of the advice found here is based on my personal experience and an expat/immigrant. If you are experiencing significant emotional distress, please reach out to a qualified professional.

Solo ≠ Lonely

First of all, there is a huge difference between solitude and loneliness. They are not one and the same. If you are lonely, you feel the lack of something significant. If you are in solitude, you feel fulfilled and inspired by the quiet.

I’ve really been on a mission to romanticize my life lately, and I have to say that, while I never really felt lonely while traveling, romanticizing the little things has really catapulted me into loving the solitude, and it can do the same for you.

Solo travel has made me grow in a way I never would have otherwise. I am far more confident in my ability to handle anything that comes my way, despite language barriers and cultural differences. My emotional well-being is just better all the way around.

Yes, I have friends now that I see regularly here. But I didn’t have that in the beginning, and I used that to my advantage. I used the solitude to dive deep into myself to start discovering who I am in this new life. Because even if you are typically the “same person”, major life changes can and will change you pretty significantly, and it’s important to see it, appreciate it, and embrace it.

Many of you know that I travel with my dog, Izzy. She’s always with me. Back in the States, she was even my registered emotional support animal. She has helped avoid panic attacks more times than I can count. I rarely go anywhere without her unless I have to go grocery shopping here in Spain (no dogs allowed).

However, as some of you may also remember, I took a solo trip to Seville and Malaga a few months ago, and I actually left Izzy at home for that trip. It was truly my first solo trip ever without any companionship. Not only did I love it, I thrived in the freedom of it. Not once did I feel lonely, even when things went wrong.

I dropped my phone in the canal at the Plaza De Espana, and was completely helpless without google translate, my Uber app, and many other conveniences we take for granted on our phones. But I still navigated the situation, the stress, and the streets of Seville, because in the end, you have no other choice but to figure it out. The confidence I gained it that was unequaled.

“Loneliness on the road is very common, but we rarely talk about it. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. As a therapist, I would encourage solo travelers to get curious instead of feeling shame. Notice what your loneliness is trying to tell you – do you need rest, connection with others, or just a moment of being sad? Is it fear, self-consciousness, or something else speaking within you? One of the greatest gifts of solo travel is what you learn about yourself in the process. Seek out small, shared experiences like a food tour or group class, plan out your time so that you feel fulfilled, productive, and excited, and find balance to enjoy the freedom and adventure that solo travel offers. When you meet loneliness with self-compassion instead of fear, it often softens.”

Gayle Clark, LCSW (Licensed mental health therapist)

The Key Is Emotional Independence

When we feel lonely, it’s often because we are accustomed to having other people around if we get bored, lonely, or just need something to do or someone to talk to. When those things go away, we are suddenly left with ourselves.

For some people, this is a wonderful thing. For others, they really have to learn to sit in that loneliness to figure it out.

My #1 suggestion for those who feel lonely is to really roll around in the feeling. Figure it out. Begin to understand it. Because underneath the missing of people in our lives, there is usually an uncomfortable-ness with ourselves. It’s important to pick that apart and really understand it. Because like anything, once we understand something inside and out, it loses it’s power over us.

Many people out there will “run” from loneliness. (Ask me how I know. I did it for years!). But the moment we turn around and really look it in the eye, our relationship with ourselves changes. You absolutely have to learn to love your own company.

But I will also say this. If you are in a moment of loneliness, it’s important to see it for what it is. A season, not a life sentence. The only thing that never changes is change. Change is a constant. Nothing stays the same, ever. Even if it hangs in there for a while, you can always count on things changing. So if solo travel loneliness feels like it might never leave you, learn to see it for what it is. A lesson meant to teach you about yourself. And once you learn it, things will change because they always do.

How to Actually Enjoy Your Own Company (Actionable Steps For Overcoming Loneliness)

Let’s dive into actionable steps for enjoying your own company and avoiding (or healing) loneliness.

“Build a routine.“

1. Build A Routine. One of the first and best pieces of advice I ever got from the local expat/immigrant groups here was, “build a routine.”
   
   And I have to tell you, this is ALWAYS the first place to start, whether you are simply on a short solo vacation, or you have moved abroad permanently (or anything in between).
   
   It can be a routine as small as heading down to a local cafe for coffee every morning, or taking a bubble bath once a week. Something that makes you feel cared for, comfortable, and most importantly, is dependable. Whatever you decide, it MUST be written in stone. The one thing you never make an exception for. You cannot reschedule it, you cannot move it around, you can not skip it. It must be an absolute constant in your life, no matter how small it is.
   
   This gives you something to depend on emotionally. It sound silly to think of depending on a cup of coffee for emotional stability, but the regularity of it really does help. So protect that routine. It is your first building block to loving your solitude.
   
2. Find joy in slow exploration. While short vacations can often feel rushed, you are far less likely to feel loneliness (or try to fill it to avoid it), if you slow down. It sounds counter intuitive, but it works. This comes back to the idea of romanticizing your life. Embrace wandering aimlessly through beautiful streets, parks, and markets, while you take dreamy photos, eat a gelato, or pop into an old bookstore you just happened to stumble upon.
   
   Doing this will open you up to the adventure of it all. Take time finding the best tomato at that open market. Treat yourself to a little something at that out-of-the-way second-hand shop. Get lost in historic districts with amazing architecture. Appreciating the beauty of what you are experiencing will often short circuit that feeling of loneliness because you are placing yourself in a moment of gratitude and plenty, instead of focusing on lack.
   
3. Indulge In Special Occasions. While many of us are often on a budget, making room in that budget for the occasional special treat is important. Buying a ticket to the ballet or opera, getting a massage at a local day spa, or visiting an art gallery you’ve always wanted to see is not just a way to fill your day. It’s a way to create special moments for yourself that you will never forget. While these moments are usually not the most frequent, they are just as important as that routine you’ve built. You have to make your life feel special, and yes, sometimes that means spending a little extra, and that’s okay. Do what works for you, but build those special things into your experience. Because being inside of those moments is a great way to train your brain to appreciate these special things, even when you’re alone. Eventually, being alone won’t equal feeling lonely.
   
4. Practice Mindfulness Activities. Some of you might call this “woo-woo”, but it’s worth a shot if you are trying to heal loneliness. Try meditation, photography walks, or quiet observation time to connect deeply with yourself and your surroundings. Often times, we get so caught up in the idea that we feel lonely, that taking a few minutes (or hours) to bring ourselves back to center becomes the only way to snap out of it.

I’ve been living abroad since January 2012, sometimes as an expat and sometimes as a digital nomad. I started my journey abroad solo and later met my now husband while living in Panama.

On my own and now with him, we move often. In that time, the longest we’ve stayed in a single city has been 2 years. That means starting over again and again and most daunting of all – making new friends.

I’m a social person and while I don’t need a big group, I really need one or two good girlfriends to make me feel like where I’m living is home. But, it’s also been about getting to know myself better and finding solo hobbies I truly enjoy.

Here are my two biggest tips to combat loneliness while abroad:

1. Join a meet up or create your own. I realize this sounds obvious but it can actually be really intimidating to show up to an event where you know absolutely no one. Go. Even if the first time fell flat, go again. If you’re unable to find a meet up where you’re living, don’t be shy to host your own. Especially expats are all looking for a friend so I’m sure at least someone will join your event. No need to do anything wild, meeting at a unique bar or going for a short hike is often incentive enough. 

2. Find a solo hobby you truly enjoy. While this won’t give you the socialization you might be craving, I promise you won’t feel lonely on these nights in if you’re doing something you really enjoy. I’ve tried a lot of different things since first moving abroad – knitting, writing, embroidering – to find the hobby that’s clicked for me – urban sketching and watercolor. 

Kat Smith, founder of A Way Abroad

Choosing Your Dream Location (Emotional & Practical Factors)

This section is aimed more specifically at expats and immigrants. For those who are moving abroad alone. Because when you have moved to another country, it’s critical to get a few things right if you want to make the smoothest adjustment possible.

Obviously, there is a big emphasis on the emotional compatibility with a town, city, or place, when you are considering where you want to settle. Visas, red tape, and paperwork aside, you simply have to like the place where you will settle and that requires knowing a few things.

You have to know what’s important to you. What resources you need on a daily basis. These will be different for every person, so it is critical that you know this going into your new life. But ten of the top considerations are:

1. Budget and cost of living – Can you afford to live there?
2. Walkability – Especially for those who won’t have a car. Can you get to the grocery store and the doctor’s office by walking?
3. Climate – If you hate cold weather, it’s probably best to stick to warmer climates and visa versa.
4. Personal and medical services – Do you need services in your own language? If so, are they available to you?
5. Lifestyle pace – Do you prefer the hustle and bustle of a larger city? Or do you need the quiet and slower pace of a smaller town?
6. The noise level of a place – Even in small towns, if you value peace and quiet but you live above a restaurant that is open until 2am and has live music, well… you start to see the problem.
7. The feel of the community – Are the locals friendly? Welcoming? Helpful? Make an effort to find out, even if it’s a little uncomfortable at first, and especially if you are in a smaller town.
8. Religious compatibility (for those who practice religion) – Is there a church, temple, or synagogue you can access regularly when needed? Do they have services in your language or do you feel comfortable not understanding the service?
9. Acceptance level – This is connected with #7, but worth separating. While a community can feel welcoming initially, you may find out later that there is something about you specifically that can cause friction in some areas. For example, for those who are LGBTQ+, it’s worth finding out how accepting the local community is of your lifestyle so that you don’t find out too late that life will be uncomfortable when you get to know people better.
10. Ease of access to transportation – Even if you have a license, it’s worth knowing that if the car breaks down, you can easily still get around. For those who don’t drive or have a car, there is nothing worse than having to walk an hour to catch a train.

Dealing with Occasional Loneliness Abroad

So do I really NEVER get lonely as an immigrant to Spain? Of course I get lonely. I’ve had my moments where I missed my loved ones back home. Where I wondered if I would make any friends that I could depend on, how I would navigate the language barrier, or if I would ever find a community that would take me in. Of course I have had moments of loneliness.

But I’m never lonely. There is a difference between feeling something for a few minutes (and maybe even having a good cry about it), and living inside that loneliness for days, weeks, or months at a time.

It’s okay to miss people. It’s okay to be a little scared in new situations where you wish you had somebody there with you. That’s life. You can feel those things at home, surrounded by people, too. The trick is to separate those moments from the overall theme of your current life.

Missing people or things back home is normal.

Living inside of loneliness is controllable and changeable.

More Tips For Those Overcoming Loneliness Abroad (Or, How To Be Happy Traveling Alone)

Yep, I’m full of tips. Here are more says to help you make the change from uncomfortable loneliness to dreamy solitude.

Oddly, enjoying your solitude can often start with meeting people. And no, I don’t mean that the people you meet will make you want to run for your hotel room or apartment. (Although, that can happen in some cases).

When you travel or move abroad and start to feel loneliness kick in, take some strong steps to help yourself navigate things. We feel lonely for all kinds of different reasons. So it’s always a good idea to give yourself a strong foundation.

1. Connect with local expat groups and online forums. I cannot tell you how invaluable the expat groups have been for me here. While they can often come with their own kind of “drama”, finding just one or two fiends in these groups can really help sustain you.
2. Schedule regular hangouts at favorite cafes, co-working spaces, or hobby groups. Classes are also a wonderful option.
3. Have regular check-in’s with friends and family back home. First, this will keep you connected to loved ones, but will also perform a very important function of letting somebody in the world know where you are at should anything go sideways. Have at least one contact person that always knows your whereabouts.

Living Abroad Tips: How To Make Friends Abroad

For short-term travelers, making friends will look more like interacting with the locals to learn as much as you can about the culture. This will help fill your time and those lonely moments better than anything else you can do.

For those living abroad or practicing slow travel, it looks more like getting active in your community. Find local workshops, classes, and events to attend. Find a few spots you enjoy spending time in and hang out in those spots regularly. Once people start to recognize your face, you’ll start building relationships, even with language barriers.

The local market here is run by a lady who doesn’t speak English (or at least, not much). But she always has a smile for me, and tells me, “Hasta luego, Guapa.” (See you later, beautiful). That small interaction always puts a smile on my face. And while we may never get to know each other on a personal level, that small connection is an important one when you are alone in a new country.

A Different Aspect

Here is a different perspective for those who love the more “woo-woo” approach to things. (Psst… I’m a total horoscope junkie which is why I’m including this here)

Everyone thinks of joy when it comes to travel. But if you find yourself having the opposite experience it can be difficult emotionally. Luckily, astrology can help.

Here are three things to look at, for help from the planets:

First, your moon sign reflects your inner world, aka: your feelings. If your moon sign is being challenged during travel, it can make your emotions extra sensitive and make you downright sad or lonely.

Second, Venus is about our comfort and feelings, ruling love and beauty. So if it’s retrograde or in a hard aspect, you could feel isolated or sad for no particular reason. But there is a reason. You are being asked to look inside and heal something.

Third is the 12th house activation. That’s your subconscious, aka your down deep feelings, the things underneath you may never acknowledge. When this is activated, it doesn’t matter what your reality is, you are in a time when you are going deep within and dealing with long time issues/feelings. You could be in a room full of people dancing and your inner voices will be doing their thing.

Knowing you are having a challenging time astrologically can help you combat it, no matter where you are in the world. Journaling, mediation, mantras, and calling people around the world who love you can help you through it.

The reason these things come up is for us to transform them; we aren’t being punished by the cosmos (even if it feels that way.) You can do it!

Leah Gillis – Astrologer

Don’t Be Afraid To Feel Lonely

Most people don’t like to feel lonely. It’s human nature to avoid things that are uncomfortable. But if you can sit with it, roll around in it, get to know it, and let it wash through you, you’ll find that you come out on the other side enjoying solitude instead. Embrace your solitude because it never lasts. Romanticize your life because you only get this one to enjoy, and if you’re going to do it in a new country, you might as well make it wonderful.

Recap Of Actionable Steps to Enjoy Your Own Company and Overcome Loneliness During Travel

1. Cultivate Small Daily Rituals – Develop comforting routines like morning journaling, coffee rituals, or evening walks.
2. Fill Your Time With Meaningful Activities – Try mindful practices such as photography, meditation, or reading in beautiful locations.
3. Join Community Groups – Connect with local meetup groups, workshops, or online expat communities to build new friendships.
4. Treat Yourself – Regularly schedule small indulgences such as spa treatments, leisurely meals, or local cultural experiences to fill your brain with wonderful memories that will make it hard to feel sad or lonely.
5. Take Your Time – Take time to wander without an agenda, discovering hidden spots and allowing space for reflection, gratitude, and the enjoyment of your blessed opportunity in life. After all, some people never get to leave the town they are born in, and here you are seeing the world. Enjoy it!

Free Download

Need a little help beating the loneliness? This tracker can help.

⭐ Get your freebie download here ⭐